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Japan Apartment
ボーダレス時代の異文化共生住宅
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外国人留学生の賃貸住宅事情
外国人＆日本人のゲストハウス
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外国人にとっても便利な部屋探しアプリ。英語対応の東京エリアの賃貸住宅物件の検索アプリ「Live in Japan for iPhone」地図を見ながら直感的にお部屋が探せる「マップ検索」や“ペット可”など希望の条件指定で絞り込みが出来る「こだわり検索」でお探しの物件が探せます。無料で配信中！App Storeからインストール。英語、日本語に対応。
部屋探しのサポーター。契約時の費用、契約期間の総額、マンスリーと普通賃貸どっちがお得、家具付賃貸と普通賃貸の賃料比較などが簡単にできます。 不動産用語もタッチするけで説明文がでてきます。日本語、英語、中国語、台湾語、韓国語、フランス語に対応 無料配信中。
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If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
If there
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
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Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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Regards, Anna McinturffBelieve those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Why don't you write books people can read?
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
I am not young enough to know everything.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Nspfckl
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
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